This job ad has been posted over 40 days ago...

Full-timeSeeking Rockstar Developers for Bleeding Edge Web Platform

13 applicants

at Neogence Enterprises in Raleigh, NC

Reposted from the original craigslist posting:

Seeking Rockstar Developers for Bleeding Edge Web Platform
@neogence has some kick-ass ideas and a clear vision for the future of technology and media, particularly really awesome stuff like giant robots and augmented reality. We need fellow geniuses to help us build it (so they will come). Ideally, you should know what the following acronyms stand for and be able to use any one of them to fix that leaky pipe in our bathroom: CSS3, HTML5, PHP, MySQL, REST, JSON, OMG, and most importantly—RTFM. You should know by experience that whatever you don’t understand you can learn quickly. You constantly amaze your friends with your insane skills and your apparent disdain for sleep. You should have friends but it is okay if you don’t. You should find an exhilarating beauty in finding a simple solution to a problem. The word “iterate” should roll off of your tongue like a mantra.

Scrum and Agile should be second nature, or at least as familiar as taking the occasional bath. You should be obsessive-compulsive about your code, and should be eager to receive opinions, feedback, and revisions of your work.

Front-End Web Developer:
You should be awesome at making JavaScript do things it wasn’t designed to do. You should be okay at making Photoshop do what it was designed to do. You should tell your coder friends that you are a designer and your designer friends that you are a coder.

You speak fluent semantic markup and refuse to publish a project without running it through the W3 Validator first. You should be able to make toast with jQuery or and Mootools. Your standards-strict code is curvacious and visually stunning, carefully shaped by the individual strokes of your fingers as you pored meticulously over the hand-written markup. You have a deep religious conviction that tables are of the devil, and you swear you can build anything out of a PSD file, screenflow diagram, and a mockup. You almost let yourself get talked into getting an O’Reilly tattoo, and you continually find yourself thinking about the world around you in terms of CSS, XML, PHP, and HTML5.

Back-End Web Developer:
You live and breath every performance-optimized breath of your day with the latest architecture from Twitter, Facebook, and Google. You at least know what Cassandra and HipHop PHP are, and you should know how to interact with a database in a healthy, grown-up, passive-aggressive way. You’ve worked with more two or more of; CakePHP, Zend Framework, Symfony, and Mojavi. Object-oriented code isn’t just convenient for you; it is imperative.

You should know the importance of scalability, and have spent many hours tuning SQL queries to make proper use of indices. You should currently be running and managing your own LAMP server that runs some combination of MySQL 5.0+, Nginx, Apache, Memcache, and PHP. You should know how to use both Facebook Connect and OAuth, and you should have both implemented somewhere public at this very moment.

A full fifth of your pervasive code comments should contain hilarious insightful commentary about the referenced code’s purpose. The remainder of your comments should clearly explain exactly how you came to the complex solution you did, what voodoo the code is actually doing, and provide some conceptual alternatives that you found along the way.

*Intern (6-9 months):
All of the above should simultaneously intimidate you (at least a little) and interest you (a lot). You must have a thing for wearing a lot of different hats that can be stylish and fashionable, and at times stacked on top of one another. You have an amazing vocabulary, but it does not include insurmountable, impossible, or no. Your deep and abiding appreciation for bacon learning and gaining valuable experience for the future knows no bounds, and you enjoy keeping the coffee hot.

If you have a specific fear (or affinity to) of robots, ninjas, aliens, zombies, or pirates, you probably shouldn’t should apply. Also, it is quite ok if you don’t like clowns, spiders, or mayonnaise. We don’t either.

For the time being we are only considering people that either live in or near Raleigh (on-site work) or are willing to relocate immediately. Please send a resume and any additional information to awesome@neogence.com. Pay is negotiable, but this is a start-up, so expect accordingly. All positions are full-time contract work, with the potential to become permanent after a three month period.

Bonus points for h2 math skills, experience with active computer vision, a valid passport, interesting hobbies, and ownership of one or more shrubberies. You have read William Gibson, Vernor Vinge, Neal Stephenson, Bruce Sterling, and Charles Stross. You have seen, and appreciate, Ghost in the Shell, Denno Coil, and .Hack.

*Hat tip to “Z. Frank (Z. Frank)”: for the inspiration and some of the descriptive text.